


Contrition

by waddiwasiwitch



Series: Moms Made Fullmetal 2020 [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Genocide, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waddiwasiwitch/pseuds/waddiwasiwitch
Summary: Roy has returned from Ishval but he's afraid to face his aunt after what he's done. Too bad for him, that she knows him too well.
Relationships: Chris "Madam Christmas" Mustang & Roy Mustang
Series: Moms Made Fullmetal 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767007
Comments: 11
Kudos: 38
Collections: Moms Made Fullmetal Week 2020





	Contrition

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day Three (Disappointment/Apologies/Grounded) of Moms Made Fullmetal)
> 
> Have some angst.

**Contrition**

Roy looked into the amber liquid. It wasn't helping. 

He could still see the flames, s mell human bodies burning.  The screaming rang in his ears.

He took a sip and relished the burn of alcohol down his throat. 

He tried to make it quick, so as not to prolong the suffering. Sometimes, people tried to escape and they screamed as their bodies were devoured by flame. Brothers, sisters, children, parents sobbed for their loved ones in the face of a monster. 

He b it down on his tongue.  He needed to remind himself he was home. Well, not exactly home. 

  
  


Roy didn’t send word to his aunt or her girls before he returned to Central. He wasn’t ready to see them, especially his aunt. Not yet. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. Or worse disgust. And he was sure he would find both there. Hughes had invited him to stay with him and his family when he realised nobody was there waiting for him at the train station. But Roy slipped away knowing that his friend wanted to spend time with his sweetheart. Besides, he needed to be alone. 

Within two hours, Roy had checked into a hotel and changed into the civilian clothes he had picked up on his way. Still, the clothes didn't help him any less of a monster. He made a vow to himself to change this country, make sure a genocide could never happen again.

He owed it to the dead and their families.

Owed it to the people of Amestris

For her, the girl that was Riza Hawkeye. To the idealistic boy, he used to be

Most of all, he owed to the woman that taught him he could be anything he wanted to but that he should never lose himself in it. 

And he did. Roy Mustang was transformed into the Flame Alchemist. But he had to make it matter. He had to make do with what he was now, what was left of his humanity. 

Chris had warned him of his folly. Like his alchemy teacher, she told him that he was being naive. Despite her unease at him joining the military, she supported him and he even thought she was proud when he graduated his class and when he passed his exams to be a state alchemist. But now, she couldn’t be proud of the so-called Hero of Ishval or the Fiery Demon as some of Ishvallans called him. How would he ever look her in the eye? What if she turned him away?

He swallowed the remains of his glass and was about to go to the bar to get another when he heard his name.

Chris Mustang walked towards him, her mouth set in a thin line.

He rubbed the back of his neck. ”Chris, what are you doing here?”

”I heard you were home,” she said stiffly. ”You never came to see me.” He could hear the accusation in her voice.

"How did you know where I was?" 

"You know I have eyes everywhere, you little fool." 

He dipped his head. ”I wasn't sure if you would have wanted to see me.” 

"Hey.” 

Reluctantly, he looked up and noticed the lines on her face that hadn’t been there before. She didn’t look angry. She just looked worried. He did this to her. 

”You think I wouldn't want to see my son after he came home from war."

"But, I did terrible things out there."

"That's war," she said sharply. ”What else did you expect?”

"It wasn't war, it was genocide."

Her lips thinned. "I know, kiddo. Why don't you come home with me, so we can talk properly? Here's not the right place for such dangerous talk. Loose lips sink ships."

He shook his head. "I'm staying here."

"I'm not taking no for an answer.” She grabbed him by the arm. ”You can come back in the morning to get your things. You’re staying with me."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Back in the familiar living quarters of his aunt’s bar, Roy sat his head bowed. He could barely look at her. She had silently driven him back to the bar, although he didn’t miss her concerned glances at him. 

Chris put a cup of tea in his hands. ”Don’t worry. It’s got a splash of alcohol in it but I’d rather you not medicate yourself until I’ve spoken to you.” 

He lifted his head to say thanks but instead, he blurted, ”Why don’t you hate me?”

Her expression softened. ”I could never hate you.” She patted his arm. ”I know you got in over your head and followed orders that you despise. You regret it but stewing in self-pity isn’t going to help you any.”

”I was a coward. I should have listened to you and Master Hawkeye.”

”You thought you knew best as young folk often do.” She sat down beside him and lit a cigarette. ”Do you want one?”

He shook his head. The smell made him sick to his stomach. 

He took a sip of his tea. ”You know they’re calling me a hero for what I did out there. People are either terrified of me or in awe of me.” A mirthless chuckle escaped him. ”Sure I managed to save some of my men but I wiped out so many of my fellow countrymen. I’m not a hero.” 

”Romantic notions almost never come true,” she said softly.

He winced. This wasn’t what he had wanted though. How foolish could one man be?

”So, what are you going to do about it?”

He frowned. ”What do you mean?”

Looking him in the eye, she smirked. ”I figure you already have a plan for trying to make amends. You’ve always been a bleeding heart.”

”I-I do but I’m not sure if you’re going to like it.”

She clapped him on the back. ”That sounds like the boy I raised.”

He forced a smile. ”One man should not be all-powerful. Strong leadership is required but there needs to be checks and balances. I don’t want this ever to happen again.”

”What was that I said about romantic notions, boy?” She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. ”Ever the idealist. Be careful.”

”I don’t know if I have that right,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. ”Why should I have a peaceful life after what I have done?”

”I know you, Roy-boy, you’re a good man.”

Bending his head to hide the tears that threatened to fall, he swallowed the lump in his throat. ”Please forgive me.”

She took the cup of tea from him and drew him into a hug. ”That’s not my place, kid. To forgive you for what happened out there.”

It had been a long time since Chris held him like. She wasn’t the overly affectionate type. He felt ashamed for needing this comfort but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Even as the silent tears began to fall.

”What you did was awful,” she continued, ”but you can’t go back in time to change it. You have to learn to live with it.”

”Somehow.”

”I believe in you.” She held his tighter. ”You’re over ambitious and you have a thirst to prove yourself to everyone. You’ve never had to prove yourself to me. I love you, kid.”

”I love you too.”

_ Fin _


End file.
